Life is…
Life is a complicated, puzzling maze full of unexpected twists and turns. Sometimes the twists bring you to a paradise. Sometimes they bring you to hell instead, but you won’t stay in a place for too long, as the maze is ever-changing, and you have to drift away eventually, no matter how hard you try to stay in a particular place. I once had a friend that I could depend on, but my foolishness and idiotic mistakes caused me to lose him eventually. I tried to reconnect with him afterwards, but he had already moved on. That point in time was one of my darkest hours. I was depressed and edgy, but time eventually mended my wounds and I could finally move on.
Besides being a maze, life is also a restless warzone with troops under heavy pressure the whole time. I always imagine myself as a troop on the battlefield, as I am tired and under pressure like them. They either fight, or will be treated as traitors, and no matter how hard they fight, their war will never end. I always push myself to be the best in everything, from academic results to sports. I force myself to revise harder and longer to maintain my position in school, and I feel tired and under stress all the time. I want to give up, but my fear of not being the best keeps me going on, just like the troops who cannot escape the war they are in because of the fear of being war criminals.
Ok, so now I have listed bits and pieces of my thoughts of what life is, but to be honest, they aren’t what I truly think life is. Life is a pile of mess that you want to be done with but can never escape. It is filled with pain, loss, failed expectations, disappointment and crushed dreams. All I can feel in this life is loneliness, abandonment, and hopelessness, and these feelings are nibbling away at me, making me hollower, emptier each day. After I lost the friend I mentioned in the first paragraph, I met another kind, compassionate person and we became close friends. She was the only one that truly understood who I was, and I might have finally found something that resembles happiness, but then I lost her as well. All dreams I had with her were lost, shattered, and were utterly in pieces. I felt nothing but more alone than I ever was, then the despair and darkness came, and finally the sense of hopelessness and defeat, as if something inside me was wrenched away from me, leaving me broken, a husk of the person I used to be.