Dear Alex,
Thanks for asking me for opinions. I have read through your debate speech and here are some comments for you.
Being the first speaker of the affirmative team, you should define the topic first. It’s good that you already have an idea of this, but what you should do more is to define the key words individually. In your debate motion, ‘paternity leave’ is obviously the key words. People may know what ‘maternity leave’ is, but not ‘paternity leave’. Therefore, you should clearly define the issue to let the audience understand what you are arguing for.
Introducing the case line is also the job of the first speaker. This is what many debaters always miss. You may not just say “We shall be arguing for the motion”, but “the Affirmative team believes that fathers should be allowed the same amount of paternity leave as mothers” is better. Be careful, lines that are vague will lose your points in debates.
What’s more, you need to show team split. Not too bad, you did introduce your team members. However, you should include what all your teammates are going to say. A team split would sound something like “I will be speaking about…. Our second speaker, Gigi Poon, will introduce…. Our third speaker, Mark Wan, will summarize our team’s case. ” And remember, the team split should be put after the definition of the motion and the team line.
Lastly, I have to say you have caught a good point of debating this motion! I suppose if you could give more details, it will make the argument more convincing. For example, mothers are easily to be tired after giving birth to the baby, so fathers should help to look after the newborn. And also, you can think more widely like what about if the mother died after the labour?
Good luck for the coming debate. Hope that my advice can help you and you can give a brilliant speech on that day. =)
Yours,
Pat